I will divulge to you some of my methods.

It is fruitless to try to engage a comedian. It just doesn't work. The comedian will just wrap you right up into his act and make a fool out of you. It is his business to ridicule. And if he can ridicule your weapon, then your weapon becomes useless and, indeed, becomes a liability to the wielder's continued holding of it. "Please put down your weapon. You have twenty seconds to comply."



Consider the following scenario: In my Behind the Music movie, various nemeses of mine may be interviewed. One of them is Abe Foxman, perhaps. He sits primly in a chair, attempting to convince the Future People that I was just evil incarnate. "He...was a Jew hater...and...he hated Jews. On top of that. ...I'm surprised that people even listen to him."

So the next shot in the movie is of me on the sidewalk in Midtown Manhattan, yelling through a bullhorn at what I suppose is a TV-industry boardroom in some office building: "Hey hey, ho ho, stuff the Jews, into the ovens!"

A woman passerby clucks to her friend in disgust, "Uh! That doesn't rhyme!"

I immediately continue: "And where the hell is my TV show?!"

See? Or how about this one: Chris has got a stand set up along some two-lane rural highway in north Florida, the kind of place you'd expect to see some cracker selling boiled peanuts on the side of the road. Chris has got a dirty t-shirt stretched over his fat belly. He's missing some teeth, maybe. He's being interviewed for the movie. He says, "Hate Jews?! How could that be? They're a delectable, tasty treat!" And then the camera zooms out so that the sign on his wagon can be read:

HOT BOILED JEW'S
Cook 'em right up and eat 'em!

See? How could Chris hate Jews if he actually loved them? Hmm? It doesn't make any sense.

(And the apostrophe has to be in the word Jew's in the sign, just like that sign I saw on the side of the road in Georgia advertising Deliciou's Georgia Peache's or the one further down the road alerting everyone to the availability of Worm's and Crawler's at that one house.)

See how that works? I am the comedian. I will win.

It is easy to ridicule these allegations precisely because they are inherently ridiculous.